Worst Talking Cat Movie Ever!?!

I think the expressions on everyone kind of sum up the movie. Especially Johnny Whitaker’s “Is this what my career has become?” face.

I sat down with a group of girls to watch movies on Sunday afternoon. Scrolling through Netflix we came across this…interesting feature. Considering the girls are 4, 5, and 8, we ended up watching it. After Camp Rock, of course. And I had always thought that Camp Rock’s writing was a bit soft in a lot of places. This movie proves the horrible B-movie genre is very much still alive in the twenty-first century.

First of all, I have to point out that, as nearly everyone in the message boards for the movie on IMDB did, the cat in the picture does not actually appear in the movie. It is not a movie about a young kitten that can speak, but a fat old cat voice by Eric Roberts in what I can only imagine was presented to him as a favor for someone’s kid because I doubt he was that in need of a job to take this as a serious thing. It doesn’t even sound like he’s taking it seriously. I imagine that at the end of each line there were three minutes of him going, “What is this? Was it written by a three-year-old?”

This movie has about thirty minutes of action, maybe ten of which are actual story. And it’s really acted poorly. But I think the script was written with nearly as many exclamation points as the poster. That would explain a lot of the random dialogue.

As I and my 8-year-old friend commented on throughout the movie, they had the music completely wrong in nearly every scene. They played happy music during sad parts, sad music during happy parts, and threw in a random cha-cha at the end just for the hell of it, I think. No real reason I could see. They also had blatant continuity errors, especially in the first “old people flirting badly” scene as we came to call them. The woman hands the guy a glass she just hastily filled with about two inches of water, and then we see him bring it away from his face in the next shot where it is completely full. He must’ve filled it with the sweat pouring down his head.

I think the best part of this movie just might be the stock footage they use to transition between EVERY. SINGLE. SCENE. The best of this footage is, of course, the establishing shot of the waterfall that has CAMERA SHAKE in the middle. Like the camera guy stifled a cough and then said, “Meh, good enough.” I would’ve passed it off as some glitch in the playback, but it happened all…six? I think it was six times that they showed that particular scene. We started fast forwarding through them at the third just to save time. They also included a nice long shot of a car driving for at least a minute. Because apparently it wouldn’t have sufficed to show the car pulling into the driveway.

Well, I guess it wouldn’t have. They needed all the padding they could get. The plot is basically non-existent. And no one can convince me that the two boys weren’t totally in love with each other. There was a long scene where one was teaching the other to swim and they both just kind of stared at each other for a horrendously long time. It is possibly the slowest movie I have ever seen.

However, fast forward through the scenery and you can have a fun time laughing at the “old people flirting badly”, “scanning clothes with an obvious book light” (seriously, they don’t even try to make it look like a high-tech device), and “talking cat animated by the local elementary school after-school animation class”. Plus you get to hear Eric Roberts make great cat sounds like “nom nom nom” and “uh-ughh”. Seriously, how did they get him to do this movie? Include it in your next B-movie weekend. You will have plenty of time to make snacks in between scenes.

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